Why C of E bishops are so bland

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Nolo episcopari. These were the words a person was expected to say on being offered an episcopal see. It basically translates as ‘Don’t bishop me!’ and goes back to at least St Ambrose, who so wanted to avoid being made a bishop that he skipped town.

The Church of England has worked itself into a new position, Nemo episcopari: nobody will be bishoped. In the past year, the process for appointing new bishops to Ely and Carlisle fell apart as the Crown Nominations Commission (CNC) decided not to appoint any of the shortlisted candidates.

This has created a sense of crisis in the Church, and an emergency meeting of the House of Bishops was held after a report was hastily drafted by the Bishop of London. It’s not a bad report as far as it goes (although the proposal to give the archbishops two votes to break a deadlock isn’t the most subtle attempt at centralising power that I’ve seen). The problem is that it doesn’t ask the basic question at the heart of all this: are the right people being considered in the right way? I imagine the reason for not asking the question is that the answer might be unkind – and unfair to the smattering of good and prayerful candidates who have slipped through.

But it needs to be asked. Nolo episcopari goes beyond a mere phrase. It recognises that the worst person to become a bishop is someone who wants to be one. This was very much what the C of E thought until about 15 years ago, when the then head of HR for a subsidiary of British Gas – one Caroline Boddington – took over appointments and everything changed. Those most likely to be considered for the post are now encouraged to pursue a clear career path which will train them in everything except how to be a long-serving parish priest.

First, candidates will almost certainly need to have been put on the imaginatively named ‘ready now’ lists for diocesan and suffragan sees. These are priests who have been noticed by their bishops and generally sent off to do the Strategic Leadership Development Programme, a scheme introduced by Mrs Boddington and co-developed by Paula Vennells (yes, that one) to teach ambitious clergy how to speak fluent management-ese.

Then they are invited to apply by filling out a small mountain of forms. It’s a little hard to say Nolo episcopari after that. In the old days, nobody knew they were being considered – a situation not without its complexities. But having people thrust themselves forward means getting the people who want to thrust themselves forward, the glint of episcopal ambition shining in the eye.

Read it all in The Spectator