I am struck down but not destroyed. For the information of those who are in distant corners of the world and not follow the media, I have been judged by the media and and a number of friends as guilty of serious sexual assault in one case and sexual harassment in another. In a matter of two days, I lost the the ministry I thought I was called to fulfil had and now sit here wondering what future holds for me.
Many have asked me why l resigned. I had no other option. I was forced out of my role. I still can’t put together the pieces. The day Channel Four was going to run the news item on me, I didn’t know what | was doing. I kept popping into the office room of my personal staff, who I consider my family in Liverpool, the only place where I found some comfort. In the morning I had met with three of my senior colleagues online and realised that I had lost their respect. I knew that was the beginning of an end.
Then I drove down to London to be with my wife and reached our tiny flat in West London at 22:30. I read the statement issued by the Church of England which said both the complaints were investigated by the National Safeguarding Team. And no safeguarding concerns were established.
It also clarified that the more serous allegations from Essex were investigated by the Police too resulting in no further action. The second allegation of sexual harassment from my colleague was also investigated by NST and was found not to be a safeguarding one but one of alleged misconduct. She was told about the clear option for her: a CDM complaint against me for the alleged misconduct. (She didn’t submit a complaint although there still remained another five months left to submit a complaint before reaching the one year time limit). I felt supported by my church. I thought at least the facts are out there.
But on Wednesday the Lead Bishop for Safeguarding appeared on a national television channel and said the Bishop of Liverpool should stand aside to enable an investigation. On the same day the ‘leadership of the diocese’ published a letter calling for me to step back on the social media.
Both the Lead Bishop and the ‘leadership’ of the diocese initiated a new chapter in the trial by media. The Church of England loves trial by media when they think it is to their advantage. Some clergy from the diocese reached out to me. One of them was in tears. She said that some were making sure that I wouldn’t be able to minister in the diocese anymore.
Our daughter joined us that evening and we sat down. They both looked at me. There was only one message I received between the words and silence: we love you and we want you to be happy with whatever decision you would take. I paused, silently sent a cry of despair to the Lord, looked around and thanked God for the little one bedroom flat we have realising that at least we wouldn’t be homeless. I knew the risk. I am not getting a financial package or settlement from church. I would be signing the deed of resignation in the morning. Certain to get the stipend for another three months. Unlikely to find another job even outside the church. But I felt peace.
One problem we have is that when church leaders find themselves facing allegations like these, they should not be defending themselves fully as that would be seen as victim blaming. So the accuser is able to tell whatever they want to say, and the accused should stay quiet. I think now, having lost almost everything in life except my family, I am allowed to tell my story. I am a human being just like the ones who made accusations against me. My story is not of any interest to the national media or the likes of Church Times, so I use my social media.
The woman in Essex was a friend. Both she and her husband were. She and I were never alone in anywhere. In all instances she talks about, at least one member of her family was standing next to us and many other people around in the venue or church. Between 2019 and 2023 January, I am alleged to have kissed her on the mouth and groped her breast, engaging in inappropriate conversations, touching her hair, and kissing on her neck. These are serious allegations. Yet in December 2022, her message said (all the messages sent on Facebook messenger. Screenshots were given to the police and NST. I will avoid here any reference that might identify the person) : “…we all really care about you and feel a bit you are part of the family x”. After all the abuse she allegedly suffered from me, l was still to her like part of her family and would gladly send me a kiss at the end of the message.
l used to get a message after each of the alleged assault. I am alleged to have groped her breast on 25th May 2022 ( she avoids the detail that a member of her family was standing next to us and involved in a three way conversation while I was assaulting her). A week after this meeting I had a message: “we were wondering if you would like to join us one day to walk up to…….. X.” In September I am alleged to have made inappropriate conversations – and did a few other things that | can’t mention because that might give an indication of location. The day after that event she said: “That was a lovely weekend! It was so nice to chat to you and thanks for spending time with us. X”. In November I was alleged to be “seeking her out” on a train, when I accidentally ended up on a train she and her children were sitting. Next day | got this: “Lovely to see you yesterday! I was thinking | don’t think l’ve given you my mobile number……. …….X.” I never contacted her on the number she gave. I never gave her my mobile number.
In December I did allegedly grab her by waist. Two days later I received this: “….also I meant to say, if you are visiting Essex and need somewhere to stay, you are of course very welcome to stay with us………room….there’s a bathroom up there and you can see the …. too. x”. After this we met only once at an event. This is where I was alleged to have kissed her neck and said ‘I love you.’ When she was interviewed by NST she mentioned she couldn’t hear what I was saying because of the noise in the room. At this event I became uncomfortable about excessive physical contact initiated by her and I started keeping a physical distance or started moving away whenever she approached me. This time I did not get any message next day. A few days later I heard from the Archdeacon that she had met with him to raise concerns about me.
The second complaint is from my episcopal colleague and friend. We belonged to the same cell group of bishops. For clarity, she didn’t raise “allegations of misconduct” as Church Times title says. It was about one incident of greeting each other in a room full of church leaders. I can say that confidently because I had to respond to an out of time application for a CDM complaint. I wasn’t aware of this allegation for 11 months, which left me wondering why she wasn’t able to relate to me in the way we did before as friends. It was only in January 2024 I was told about the concern raised by my episcopal colleague. And I was told that there was no impropriety established. I wondered why I wasn’t told that my episcopal colleague had a concern about me for so many months. I could imagine how angry she would be with this kind of process. I share the concerns raised by my colleague about the process. In this case I don’t know what the process was. The process, if there was one, failed me and my colleague whose friendship | had valued vary much before my move to Liverpool.
I would ideally like to unpack some of the dominant elements in this painful and traumatic. The media Chanel that became accusers’ advocate and jury at the same time need to be held accountable. And there are many players in this game who need to give account of their actions. I am weak and soon to be jobless and penniless but I do believe that the one who vindicates me is near.
